Strange the cards we are dealt. My mother was an intelligent woman who either didn't have the right circumstances to develop her intellect or maybe she never wanted to and the curiosity was missing. Either way I feel sad that she could have had a much happier life - on her own terms not mine. Her cup was always half empty and she was always afraid of what others might think. I remember her telling me when I was in my early teens that she would rather I went into town with rollers in my hair, plus headscarf, rather than chance any of her friends meeting me and seeing the horrendous backcombed bird's nest that sat on top of my head. I of course thought my hair was the epitome of cool!
|Lily's 85th birthday|
My mother loathed the path I'd chosen and felt utterly betrayed. She had spent her life in the cotton mills of Bolton as had her sister and mother and always swore her daughter would have a better life. The only problem was I knew it too and my version of a better life was totally different to hers. I couldn't get away from the satanic mills quick enough, and it didn't matter to me where I went.
|Lily on a day out with Philip and I, having tea|
at The Dutch House in the Howardian Hills
My mother's family sowed the seeds to create a person who ultimately none of them could recognise. I remember thinking when I was less than five years old, if I was asked to choose between my mother, my aunt and my grandmother, I just couldn't - they were all equally important to me. They all thought, as I think many before them had, that their hopes and aspirations would be achieved in the next generation. I felt the weight of this and it was my raison d'etre in my first decade to be the person they wished for. However, the swinging sixties came along with feminism following hard on its heels and from then on I started to rebel - I would lead my own life, whether they liked it or not.
|Lily with Lyra, her third great grand-daughter|
My emotions are pretty raw right now, examining myself as a daughter. I'm wondering what my mother would have wanted at her funeral and I'd so like to get it right for her, even though I know she won't be there and it's really an occasion for those left behind. Knowing how emotionally fragile she was, I only once asked her what she would want. She said she would like to be buried, that she had no faith and that it should be a dignified occasion. With this in mind Philip and I have been considering the options.
|Lily and me|
And I hope when you grow up, someday you'll see
Your parents are people and that's all they can be.
Loudon Wainwright III
Thurs 8 Mar Needled Kate Davies
Fri 9 Mar Rock and Purl Ruth Garcia-Alcantud
Sat 10 Mar Woolly Wormhead Woolly Wormhead
Wed 14 Mar Joli House Amanda France
Thurs 15 Mar This is Knit Lisa & Siobhan
Fri 16 Mar The Knitting Institute Knitting Magazine
Sat 17 Mar Life’n Knitting Carla Meijsen
➤Wed 21 Mar Ulla-Bella Anita Tørmoen
Thurs 22 Mar Heike Knits CANCELLED